Freudian Tits

True Blood has me hooked, line and sinker!

I am currently half-way through the first season and was happy to read they are working on a second season.

Finally, a show I can sink my teeth into.

Here's the ones I got..  they usually go for about $150 but I paid a whopping $76 for them.

 

 

 

 

They are a knock off of the Fiorentini & Baker boots (below) which retail for $525.  Savings of $440.. ;)  

 

 

 

 

 

 

...my bank account didn't fare as well though.  

 

The good:

 

My brother made it up from Atlanta.

The US border was practically empty on Christmas day.

I got a lovely pair of boots at a great sale price in Macy's.

I finally got my hair cut.

There was no snow.

It went up to 18c one day.

I got to taxi Mom around.

I now know the way to my brother's blindfolded.

My niece wasn't so shy around me anymore.

$20 to fill up the van. 

 

The bad:

 

The exchange rate.

The boots gave me blisters the first day wearing them.

It got cold (like Montreal cold) the last couple of days we were there.

Traffic on Route-22

Holiday food weight gain.

 

The ugly:

 

3 hour wait to cross Canadian Customs on the way back.

 

Subject: The Office Party
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't Be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

 

                                 
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time.

Happy now?

 

                                 
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

                                 
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 2 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - the days are so short this time of year - or else package everything for take-home in little foil swans. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men; each gender will have their own table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food thus we suggest for those people with blood pressure problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics since the restaurant is unable to supply "no sugar" desserts.

Sorry!

Did I miss anything?

 

                                 
 FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
 DATE: December 8
 RE: Holiday Party

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshipping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks. Okay???

                                 
 FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
 Date: December 9
 RE: Holiday Party

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?

             

                    
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday Party

Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your freaking salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now!

          

                       
FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward Your cards to her at the sanatorium.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

We hope that this change does not offend anyone.

 

On Monday I'll be heading down to New Jersey to spend a couple of weeks with the family.  A few things we will be doing is going to Dorney Park in Allentown, PA.  I figured while we are down there, we'd venture over to Amish country and see the sites.  Who can pass up on visiting such towns with names like, Intercourse, Blue Ball, Bird-in-Hand and Fertility.  You can imagine what the vacation photos are going to look like! 

 

Since Gettysberg is also in the area, we'll probably check that out too. 

 

No trip to Jersey is complete without a hop over into the city.  I miss NY!

 

 

After reading Laoch's latest blog entitled A Taste of Something New, it reminded me of something that happened with my eldest kid.

 

One of her favourite snacks when she was a toddler was yogourt covered raisins.  One day she was munching away at them in her playpen, and I noticed her struggling to reach one that had seemingly rolled away from her.  I picked it up and handed it back to her, her face lighting up in a smile to have one more treat, happily chomping into it with her 2 front teeth, and then the following shudder and spitting the food out of her mouth and a total look of disgust.. 

 

Turns out it wasn't a yogourt covered raisin that had escaped from her bowl, but a baby powder covered turd that had escaped from her diaper. 

 

Yum.

With the weather we've been having, it seems more like Fall, than late spring.  Should I be cleaning off the pool noodles, or keeping the mits out?  2 months ago, I read an article on global warming, and one scientist proclaimed that this summer would be the hottest one on record.  Well, maybe where he lives. 

 

Zachary went for his kindergarten orientation last week, so now I'm hearing a lot of "Wow, time flew!"  No kidding!  I'm sure some of you can remember reading about his baby antics and in 2 months he'll be off to school!!  Which kinda scares me.   This is the child that likes to put his underwear on the cat's head.  This is also the same child that likes to come running out of the bathroom swinging his underwear in the air, yelling "I went peeeeee!!"  Not to mention the time I caught him running out into the backyard with no clothes on.  So you can understand my nervousness as I picture him doing this at school.   The notes, the phone calls!!  "Yes, hi, uhm, can you please have a little talk with your son and tell him that it's not a good idea to strip in class, thank you."  I can feel those grey hairs forming already.

 

I saw a hilarious movie the other night, Run Fatboy Run.  I highly recommend it to anyone who wants a laugh. 

 

With that, I'm off to work.

 

 

...you can get anything you want at Amazon..

 

I was talking to my friend Nat about a show I had seen awhile back called Family Business.  It was a semi-reality show dealing with the daily life of porn star, Seymour Butts.   Out of curiousity, I wandered over to Amazon.com to see if they would have it.  Lo and behold, they have both seasons 1 and 2.  So I said to Nat, wow, they have it, and she said, "you can find anything on Amazon.."  I replied, "yeah, but I doubt the sell inflatable dolls and edible underwear."  I then set out to prove her wrong.  Thinking the search would come up empty, I typed in the Amazon search window "edible underwear".  Well not only did they have it, but they had three pages of it! 

 

Here's a an example.. 

 

So I figured ok, how about "inflatable doll"? 

 

I was wrong again.  Not only can you buy Inflatable Judy, but, you can also get Inflatable John.  Hey, throw in Tera Patrick Ultimate Erotic Love Doll, and you have yourselves a party!

 

Speaking of which, for those who prefer to just have the party in their pants, Amazon is also selling these.

 

I was still determined to prove my point, and eventually found one item they don't sell:

 

"Your search "dick implant" did not match any products in: Health & Personal Care " or anywhere else on Amazon!

 

 

 

Pass this message along!

 

No, this isn't one of those chain letters where if you don't pass it on to 5 people within an hour you will fall into a big pile of poopie.  This is to get every one aware about Bone Marrow donation.  My friend Emru is in need of a Bone Marro transplant and to date there have been no matches found. 

 

If you can, please print one of these flyers and pin it up somewhere in your neighbourhood. 

 

 

There are also some press articles available at:

 

 

All it takes is a simple blood test (or in some areas a mouth swab).  Please register for Bone Marrow Donation today!

A friend of mine is in need of a bone marrow transplant.  To this day no match has been found.  Please read the following article and encourage people you know to become a bone marrow donor! 

 

I used to use this expression as a sarcastic response to "exciting" news in the past.  I would act like the southern belle, one hand to the chest, one to the forehead and pretend to swoon.  So you know how they say that words can come back to haunt you.....

 

Nearly 5 years ago I ended up in ER, with what I thought was gas bubbles in my chest and thinking that all I needed was a good antacid (cause the entire pack of Rolaids I had chewed up didn't do diddly (or bo Diddly)), I headed off to ER and complained about my "gas" problem.  To my complete surprise, I was whisked off from Triage to the Trauma Center (still clueless and thinking gas) and actually said to the nurse "Wow, all this for gas??"  After they gave me an injection that made me feel totally weird, but then noticing that my gassy chest had subsided, they explained to me that my heart was going at 240BPM.  Well colour me shocked.  I had an electrophysiology study done, and at the time they tried to ablate the pesky nerve ending but I was told that it was on the left side of my heart so it was a bit tricky.  They weren't able to fix it so they put me on medication which for the most part did work.  I would have weird sensations in my chest from time to time, but never experienced the gas bubbles again until November of last year. 

 

I had just eaten a large meal celebrating my birthday, and was in a semi coma on the couch.  When I went to turn on the shower before gonig to bed, the weird bubbles started up in my chest again, but this time they were accompanied by some pretty hard thumps.  It felt like my heart was literally trying to jump out of my chest.  I figuredit was a one shot deal and that the stress I had been under in the past year due to my sister's illness and passing was most likely the cause.  Next month, same thing happened again, except this time I was in the shower.  I turned off the hot and stood in freezing cold water, and that set me back to normal.  Everyday however, I was getting weird sensations in my chest, almost like a fish flopping out of water.  I went to see my doctor.  To him the SVT was trying to break through my medication and maybe it was time for me to reconsider ablation.  In January I went to see an Electrophysiologist at the Montreal Heart Institute and showed him my ECG from May 2003 and said it seems like it's coming back, but this time it feels weird.  Everytime I ate, I would get weird sensations in my chest and the whole flip flopping thing.  He recommended ablation.  2 days after that I ended up in ER because my heart was out of whack again.  I ask them to give me adenosine, which normally converted my heart back to a normal beat, but this time, after two injections it wasn't working.  In fact, it was making me feel worse.  The resident cardiologist came down and said I was having an atrial fibrillation attack and they gave me an injection of some other medication.  Within 5 minutes, my heart was back to normal again.  So I'm thinking either this is my SVT mimicing AFIB or a completely different issue.   I had to take time off work due to not being able to eat or even function properly as any movement was setting it off.  Eating was setting it off.  Living was setting it off.

 

Yesterday I had another electrophysiology study done, and if they had found the same thing that was on my 2003 ECG strip, they were going to ablate the problem right there and then.  Instead they found that my SVT was not SVT after all, but Atrial Flutter.   They do not like to ablate these issues as it involves puncturing a hole in the right atria to the left, involves more machinery and has higher health risks (perforated heart, hemmorhaging, clots, stroke).  So now I'm on a new medication that is specifically for this problem and hopefully will keep this beast at bay. 

 

So, yeah, my heart's all a-flutter comes back to haunt me! 

Maybe he can get his friend Fitty Cent to help him lose Fitty pound.

I was clearing out my spam box at work this morning and figured I'd share some of these gems with you.

 

May your pen!s get its full-size in year 2008!

Don't get left behind in year 2008!  (well with a bigger pen!s maybe I won't)

Get more respected and admired in year 2008!  (hey, if I had known that all it would take was a bigger pen!s I woulda done this last year)

Get equipped with better and bigger package!  (Let me run to the Post Office and buy a bigger box then)

Enormous monster phallus is every woman's dream (that's not what I was dreaming about last night)

Your manliness will grow in new year like never before (and frankly never will)

Super-size can be really achieved now!  (that's what they said last time)

Turn your small knob into huge meat!  (My doorknob will turn into a T-bone steak?)

Stop being a loser!  Increase your dik in 2008!  (Stop being a loser!  Learn to spell in 2008!)

Turn your weewee into a real monster (Calling your dick a weewee is a no no)

Santa will bring more length and strength to your willy!  (A new HD TV will do just fine)

Promote your little soldier of love in the New Year.  (Ok, he's a corporal now)

 

Nothing about boobs though. 

 

With the holidays just around the corner, I figured I'd post a little something while I still have 5 minutes to myself.  On Saturday we're all off to NYC until January 2nd for the holidays.

 

On one hand, I'm looking forward to spending Christmas with the family, something that I have not done in quite a few years since we're in different cities.  On the other hand, it will a very solemn Christmas since my sister is no longer with us to enjoy it.  I'm sure if my sister has any say in it, she'll be with us in spirit. 

 

My daughter's High School played host to 113 Japanese students last week and we were a host family for one of them.   He was a great kid to have around and we miss having him around.  We took him to see the sights and sounds of Montreal, but unfortunately, it was one of the coldest and snowiest weeks December has seen in a long time.  On his last night with us, he made us a traditional Japanese meal consisting of soba noodles and accompanying dip, with Miso soup.  It was absolutely delicious!

 

 

In udder news:  http://www.foodfacts.info/blog/2007/11/cows-flee-mcdonalds.html

 

I would like to wish everyone the best for the holiday season and health and happiness for the New Year!

..between good song entering the ear canal causing the right foot to press heavier on the gas pedal?

..the thousands of lives that were lost due to the unspeakable act of a madman.

 

I also remember wondering if my sister had made it out of her building, a block from the Trade Center, after the collapse.  I remember seeing the dozens of dust covered people crossing the bridge and sighing with relief when I found out my sister was one of them.   

 

Today brings me sadness not just for that act but for the fact that my sister is no longer with us.  She survived so much, battling cancer, surviving 9/11 and witnessing the whole horrifying mess.  She had already been battling cancer by that day, and had had her periods of remission.  Ever since 9/11, her cancer came back with a vengeance. 

 

They are now seeing rescue workers from that day and the clean up shortly after, contracting cancer and respiratory illnesses due to inhaling jet fumes, asbestos and other toxins.  Delayed victims of 9/11.

 

How many more have to die?

My ears are still ringing, my head slightly pounding, but I had a good time, allright? 

 

Last night's show was great!  The opening band, Kill Hannah, who I doublt many people had heard of until last night did a decent job of getting the crowd ready for Alice in Chains.  It's a tough job to be the opening act.  You are the ones setting the mood for the rest fo the evening, and you have to impress people who are just there really, to see the main act.   

 

Alice in Chains proved there is life after the death of your lead singer.  William DuVall filled Layne Staley's shoes quite nicely.  Velvet Revolver is still proving there is life after Axl.  I caught their show in Ottawa during their 2005 tour for Contraband.  They had a nice mix of VR songs, old GNR tunes and a smattering of Stone Temple Pilots.  Last night they went the whole nine yards cranking out new tunes and old tunes that kept the audience on it's feet.

 

Here are some of the concerts I've been to in the past:

 

Thin Lizzy / Queen
Rick Derringer / Aerosmith
Chris de Burgh / Supertramp
Jean-Luc Ponty / Supertramp
David Bowie
Genesis x 2
Rod Stewart
Gary Numan
Ted Nugent
Split Enz / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
John Cougar Mellencamp
Cinderella / Bon Jovi
Skid Row / Bon Jovi
The Police
Tesla / Motley Crue
Squeeze
Terence Trent D'arby
The Jacksons / Michael Jackson (the tickets were free, ok?)
Weird Al Yankovic
Girls vs Boys / Garbage
PJ Harvey / U2
Supertramp 2002
ZZ Top
Polyphonic Spree / David Bowie
Three Days Grace / Velvet Revolver
Mars Volta/Red Hot Chili Peppers
Kill Hannah/Alice in Chains/Velvet Revolver

 

..next stop, The Police in November!

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she’s gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

David Harkins, © 1981

November 17, 1965 - May 2, 2007